Wittenberg Door Day

[[Blu-Tacked to the Moot House door]]

Having had a bit of spare time today, I - Burton Dasset, Certified Accountant and Member of the British Computer Society, propose to discuss the following subjects in the Moot House tonight.

1. That the Religion which is called Beaker, although it professes to be the original monotheistic religion of the British Isles, illuminated by the Gospel Light, has in fact been made up as Eileen goes along.

2. That the lighting of scented tea lights is not, of itself, a spiritual exercise.

3. Eileen cannot demand by right the obedience of a Beaker Person - such behaviour being clearly in contradiction to the spirit of the Reformation and also, in the way she enforces it, of the Laws of England.

4. Eileen cannot impute guilt to us, no matter how much she implies we are useless failures who have constantly let her, each other, and ourselves down. Although, to be fair, she may have a point on this one.

5. Eileen's preaching of indulgences is in error. You don't get "time off Purgatory for good behaviour" by buying the coasters bearing cheesy spiritual mottoes that she purveys in the Beaker Bazaar.

6. "Salvation points" do not exist - and you do not get one with every pack of doilies.

7. It is certain that when the cash-till jingles, Eileen is slightly richer. Although she prefers clean, electronic financial transactions to the vulgar sound of coins - and will be introducing Contactless as soon we receive accreditation.

8. No spiritual good was ever achieved by singing Coldplay songs.

9. He who gives to the poor or lends to the needy does better than the one who buys Eileen's latest CD of whale-songs. Or "The Beaker Quire sing Graham Kendrick", for that matter.

10. It was wrong of Eileen to sell those people in central London tents. And even worse of her to promise that they were thermally efficient.

11. If this is the last you hear from me, then you won't be hearing from me again.