Informal All-Age Service

Eileen: GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE!

All: Good morning, Eileen.

[Eileen may feign deafness or, as it may be, disappointment]

Eileen: Let's try that again, but this time as if you'r all as devout as I am. I said "GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE!"

All: GOOD MORNING, EILEEN!

[Eileen may feign being surprised by an unexpected gust of wind.]

Eileen: Now we've an awful lot to get through. So I'd like you all to shake hands with just one person - someone who's shorter than you.

[More logical / socially aware people may reel at the incoherence of this instruction. Most will just randomly shake hands with someone, out of fear, confusion and embarrassment.]

Eileen: We've got lots of games and children's talks and action songs for today's celebration. Now we don't have any actual children here today for me to patronise, so can I have two volunteers - one man and one wo-....

[Eileen is flattened in the stampede for the door]

Eileen: ....... and also with you.