Just about to nip out for the Grand Wassail but unexpectedly hearing Cyndi Lauper's Early Christmas Morning on the Community Muzak makes me wonder if this the worst Christmas song ever. I reckon if it's not, at the least Spaceman Came Travelling has a close competitor. FWIW I'd put Fairytale of New York as the best (I sense you all step back in amazement) and, controversially perhaps, maybe Frankie's Power of Love a distant second.
I think Cyndi's effort has all the classic hallmarks of a Bad Christmas Record. Simplistic tune, pointless bells, mention of children dancing (not the little children of Stonehenge, sadly) and pointless and annoying whooping. Some doggerel so bad it nearly shades into gibberish - and then it ends with this little gem:
All around and far off places
Angels waken smiling faces
Wrapping us with love and graces
Early christmas morning
Annie Lennox has a whole album's worth. A. Whole. Album.
ReplyDeleteI do step back in amazement, but then the appeal of this song is that no-one has any idea what the words are. How about verse 5, for example...
ReplyDeleteYou're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed...
I won't go on. Cyber-coenobites, I wish you joy singing that to each other this festive time.
I go for Frankie's effort too - though I can't remember anything Christmassy about it except the video. I sense a visit to Youtube to see if memories serves me correct (it rarely does!). Also, Cyndi can play her "get out of jail card" for "Time after Time" :)
ReplyDeleteRichard, I think it's pretty clear what the lyrics are about. Why it's used as a backing for Tesco ads is more the thing that causes my amazement.
ReplyDeletePhil - "I'll protect you from the Hooded Claw, keep the vampire from your door" - how much more Christmassy do you want?
Simon - surely UB40 must have done one?
Never heard of any of them. Must be getting old... Penny drops. Hey, I am old!
ReplyDelete