Transfer Deadline Day News

Transfers completed

Giles Fraser - from St Paul's to The Guardian (Free transfer)

Rumours

Man City exchanging Carlos Tevez for Steven Hester (RBS) - said to be unlikely as Tevez would not accept the pay cut.

Hester unlikely to join Liverpool either. Luis Suarez, the most likely exchange offer, says he wouldn't like to be as unpopular as the Chief Exec of a bank.

Ed Miliband to Northampton Town (£3m, although he'd only have to pay half up front). Labour are once again having trouble with strikers, but Miliband has increasingly found himself "in the hole" this season.

Tory Front Bench - to bring in Emile Heskey. Even the economy's more on its feet than Emile.

Sir Alex Ferguson - to host Strictly Come Dancing.

Tory Front Bench - to buy Chelsea. Not the club, the place.