If ITV Commentated on Acts of Worship

"The vicar's reading from some notes in the pulpit. He's preaching a sermon."

"Singing The Old Rugged Cross after If I were a crocodile has changed the whole complexion of this praise service."

"And during the Peace, the congregation are taking the opportunity to shake hands with each other."

"Once again, the Cloud of Witnesses prove they're good in the air."

"The crucifer playing in the "hole" behind the two acolytes. While the Gospeller's workrate means the vicar's been freed from book-carrying duties."

"The Archdruid's just reached "and finally" in her sermon. But Sir Alex Ferguson is tapping his watch to indicate that he reckons there's another four or five minutes."

"It's a service of two halves - the Word and the Sacrament."

"Now the Sunday Club rejoin the rest of the church. Which will reduce the average age of the congregation."

"The angels performing well on the wing - while the verger will be taking the sweeper role after the service."


"The choir's sitting down now. They're ...hur, hur... not singing any more."

"The deacon showing real belief. Especially in the Creed."


"Not a lot of interest in this "Sydney Carter Service". Empty seats all round the church. But I reckon there's a good chance we'll be hearing "Lord of the Dance" later."