Sacking Another Manager

I regret to announce that AFC Beaker Folk (2007) have had to release the manager, Andrew Village-Bozo. Andrew has tried very hard in the six months that he has been here, but unfortunately he is completely useless. I brought him in as a young manager, expecting him to build a "dynasty", and he has completely failed.

Some people have claimed that Andrew's problems stemmed from some of the older players. Well, it's true that Hnaef's not as young as he used to be, and he does insist on playing in hiking boots for no discernible reason. But he and Daphne are my friends, and if that doesn't count for a lot in modern village football I don't know what does.

Likewise Derek Diver has shown the club great loyalty. Merely because he now requires heavyweight lifting gear to help him get upright whenever he falls over in the box does not mean that, as Andrew suggested, he's getting on a bit. While Fred Lumphard has one of the greatest medal collections we have ever seen - and not all of them in pie-eating competitions.

And I feel Andrew has most signally failed in getting the best out of Fergus Torrid. Just becausee he was useless at Westoning Wombles then useless here under the previous manager does not mean that his continuing uselessness is not Andrew's fault. I spent a lot of money on Fergus. And even more buying that cow, the barn door and the banjo.

All in all, AFC Beaker Folk have had a poor run with managers. Claude Rainy-Day changed his tactics so often that on one occasion he substituted Joe Totty after he lost the toss. Joseph Meringue thought he was special, just because he'd won the Druids in Sport Inter-County Knockout Cup with FC Portsmouth.  Well, if he was so clever why couldn't he win it with us? Even after I brought Andy Shootsbadly in? If you can't win with one of my godchildren in the team what can you hope to achieve?

Then there was Abraham Grint. Well, just because he was a member of a famous wizard family didn't mean he could work any magic on the pitch. Louis Philip Schofield - what did he ever achieve? And then Hoos Hoo-hee, and I can't even remember what he looked like.  And Carla Canneloni had to go for wanting to play "more interesting" football. The only football I'm interested in is the one where Joe Totty, hopefully not having exhausted himself in - ahem - other fields picks up a trophy at the end of the game.

So a run of apparently truly brilliant managers, all of whom failed dismally after I appointed them. I'm quite downcast. If only I could find some kind of common factor.