Those Great Daily Mail Headlines of the Year

January

Can snow cause hypothermia?

If Channel freezes, asylum seekers "could walk from France"

February

Kissing "major cause of glandular fever"

St Valentine "definitely a foreigner"

Living in Britain "terrifying" - Living Abroad "worse"

March

Do daffodils cause cancer?

Tuberculosis in illegal immigrants - the impact on house prices.

April

Notorious immigrants take over Abbey for Big Fat Greco-German wedding

Terminal diseases "inevitably fatal"

May

Pippa Middleton"s bottom "can cause heart palpitations in older men"

China builds rocket to beam illegal take-away workers in from space

June

Can meat cause cancer?

Dangerous Dogs - Britain's Shame

July

Vegetables "major cause of cancer" claims publicity-seeking scientist

Unemployed people "the major cause of unemploymenr" - Osborne

August

Can sunshine give you cancer?

Is the Islamic Republic of Abroad safe? "Stay at home" advice from a leading scare-monger.

September

Royal Wedding "lowered house prices"..

Girl in Wales on benefits has baby - Britain's Shame

Ed Miliband - "Dawkins should be next Archbishop"

October

Can pumpkins cause blocked bowels?

Civil Partnerships "lower house prices", claims straight man who has to keep suppressing those troubling fantasies.

November

Queen Mother "liked gin" - shocking revelations

Nick Clegg "causes lower house prices".

December

Can Christmas give you cancer?

Can faster-than light tachyons allow asylum seekers to claim they've been in Britain for generations?

Mistletoe - the hidden dangers

And Did Those Feet in Ancient Times  "Jesus an Illegal Immigrant" - report by William Blake

Tinsel "strangulation alert"

"Salmonella - my Christmas Turkey Hell"

The Magi - how were they allowed into Judea? Herod's shocking border-control policies

"German woman" to lecture us on Christmas Day?

Brussells Sprouts - the Hidden Dangers

Can The Wizard of Oz cause Suicide?

Broken Egypt - how were a Jewish family with an illegitimate child allowed through the Sinai