Beltane Instructions

OK folk, we like to make the May Eve celebrations something special. So I'm glad to see the Wicker Person looming on the horizon already.

Our ancient ancestors, we Beaker Christians believe, were groping dimly towards the light. So we can forgive them, as they tried to understand those intimations of universal love, self sacrifice and human rights, if they occasionally got it a bit wrong. For example, by putting all their criminals, prisoners-of-war and any stray dogs into a Wicker Man (no sexual equality in those days - being a matriarchal society, they were quite clear it was a Man that should burn) and setting fire to it. They were merely celebrating the Light that was to come into the world, in the limited way they could.

But of course now we know the truth, we can celebrate May Eve as those ancient Beaker people would have, had they known about forgiveness and discovered America. So we will be putting only jacket potatoes in the Wicker Person, and enjoying this traditional Beaker snack with traditional Beaker high-mono-unsaturated butter-effect spread.

The usual other instructions apply. If we see any Morris Dancers, I'll be the one to throw the first stone. Any mimsy Maypole dancing as recommended by deluded, chinless Anglican clergymen will be treated as a form of heresy. As will anything dating back to Victorian days.

So the rainstorms have gone, the sun has returned. We are halfway from Spring Equinox to Summer Solstice! Summer is but around the corner - let us celebrate the strengthening Sun!