End of Season Clear-out

Sometimes it strikes me that football managers have it easier than the leaders of small religious fellowships.

Apart from the risk of sacking of course. That can't be fun. The fear that if things don't go your way the fans will be on your back, and next thing you know the people in dark suits will be tapping on your shoulder. It must be like being a Baptist pastor, only without the wild lifestyle.

But no, I was thinking more about our inability to "rebuild".

Now for a football manager, "rebuilding" means getting rid of all the dead wood that the last manager brought in when (s)he was "rebuilding", and bringing in people whom you believe to be better. I've heard references to Liverpool "rebuiilding" this summer - in which case that's the 20th successive glorious summer of rebuilding.

But wouldn't it be great? Recognising that Gertie doesn't "link up" well in the tea-making circle, ship her out to the Unitarians and replace her with a cheap youngster from Poland.

Or if the Lay Preacher is causing trouble? Obviously you'd need to leave her on the "bench" kicking her heels till the transfer window is open.  But then you'd be looking for whether you could exchange her for an organist for the reserves (i.e. one who gets to play on Low Sunday and Christmas 1 - awaiting his chance when the regular organist breaks his wrist).

Personally I'd be looking to strengthen the "front four". Daphne's worth her weight in gold, of course. And Hnaef, like Didier Drogba, has been an absolute war-horse. But the constant going down on the slightest contact is annoying the fellowship. And when he's near the front of the procession it can be quite distracting. He only has to be nudged by a tea-light bearer or boutrosifer and he's rolling around clutching the allegedly affected part. Then the whole procession is inclined to trip over him.

Then there's Charlii. Obviously we brought her in for her potential. And, like Jamie Carragher in his youth, she's been happy to fill whatever role is needed - dressing up as a squirrel, sweeping out the doily shed, being (as Trainee Druid) by definition an instant expert in children's work. But her off-the-field activities have been distracting her. I don't mean she's been setting fire to her bathroom or driving around Woburn handing out tenners. But I've pointed out to Young Keith that if footballers' Wives and Girlfriends are WAGS, a Druid's Other Half is a D'OH.

And it's the same throughout the squad - sorry, fellowship. All the way through I can see weak links that could be strengthened if I bought wisely and shipped out before the all-importan Lammas Deadline.

And it's not like God's not given us a precedent on this. Remember how, when Saul was only maintaining mid-table obscurity, he was shipped out and replaced by David - the "Chosen One" with a good track record in Philistia, who went on to great things. But then, David and Saul were both gaffers, so maybe I don't want to go too far with that reasoning.

And then I remember Our Chairman, when he was a head coach. Even though the squad was a bit thin - back in the days of only one substitute - he knew his people's hearts. He knew who was the Mario Balotelli, who the reliable Gareth Barry or Stevie Gerrard. James and John, those hard-working wingers, were always arguing about who was going to play on the right and who on the left. And he knew that one of his team was going to be making a big-money transfer after being "touched up" by another club. But he backed them - weak and strong as they might be - to get into Europe.

So as I look around the Beaker People, with their foolishness, their irrationality and their stubbornness - I figure that maybe if Our Chairman would have stuck with them, perhaps I should as well. I'll give them one more season.

Though if I could swap Burton for a treasurer with a personality, I would.  But it might break my payscales. That is, I might have to pay for one.