Preparing for Pentecost

It looks like we're all set for Pentecost then.

The flame-throwers will be fired into the Moot House at a height of nine feet. This will enable us to provide that authentic "tongues of fire" effect without incinerating the inhabitants.

Meanwhile the doves will be released from their basket in the centre of the Moot House precisely 30 seconds after the tongues of fire are extinguished. We don't want any quick-roast doves. Not after last time. Of course, the doves will fly upwards, out of the windows in the Moot House roof. We realise that this may be a very bad metaphor for Pentecost, but have you ever tried getting a dove to fly downwards? We did a couple of years ago, but it was murder trying to fix all those breadcrumbs to Hnaef.

We will also be closing the sluice gate on the brook that runs under the Moot House. We expect that the gentle rippling will give a suitably spiritual feel to the event. And it may put out any doves that we accidentally incinerate should we get the timing wrong. We have the doors set to fail safe in the event that the Moot House fills with water, as happens on occasion.

Then at the end, when the Beaker People are terrified by the fire, confused by flapping doves and paddling around ankle deep in muddy water, we're going to pump the dry ice into the Moot House to represent the divine presence. If cognitive dissonance doesn't make the whole mob of them think they've had a religious experience, I don't know what will.