Congratulations on buying your Priests and Parishes™ Role-Playing Game!
In the 1980s, before we discovered there were more serious things to worry about, there were many claims that Role-Playing Games were satanic, and that playing them led straight to the fiery maw of the Dark One.
While most Christian leaders were content merely to condemn Gary Gygax and all his works, one group decided to produce a rival, radical and exciting faith-community based game. Unfortunately they were in the Church of England, so it's taken 30 years to get it through the Committee stage. But here it is - a new and exciting chance to enter into adventure in the world of Pee-Cee-Cee, where monsters stalk every corridor.
Don't forget there's a range of add-on accessories you can buy - the "Church Warden's Manual" will give you the full instructions on how to play Advanced Priests and Parishes™, which is just like the basic version but costs more.
But enough of the sales spiel - let's get on and play!
Bell-Ringers must score at least six or more in Strength, Stamina and Ale-drinking.
Organists need to score six or more in Sitting in Draughts, Perseverance and Unsettling the Vicar.
Ministers should ideally have high scores in all categories. At least that's what it says in the Parish Profile. However these types of characters are only actually available in the special module, Imaginary Priests and Parishes. Note that advancement to greater levels depends upon your character's race, denomination and gender - British Methodists and British Women.are not allowed to be raised to "Bishop".
Evangelists should have high scores in Listening to People and Caring. Failing that, a score of 12 in Shouting will probably do.
Sunday School Teachers need higher scores than Ministers. But don't think anyone will notice.
Barrack-Room Lawyers have high levels of Sincerity, Cunning and Intelligence, but normally low scores for Loyalty and Empathy. Their special powers include Total Confusion, All-Out War and Writing to the Bishop.
Worship Group Leaders need high scores in Charisma and Tunefulness. Their special powers include Segue and Train-Wreck.
Flower-Arrangers These characters are the most feared of all in Priests and Parishes™. Lethal with a bowl of petunias, and possessors of the Dangerous Lily Pollen of Allergy.
Stewards Again, this player type's powers advance differently with different denominations. In the Methodists they can get as far as "Circuit Steward", which is like a sheriff but without the badge.
Treasurers have the job of accumulating Gold Pieces and uncovering secret stashes of treasure. They normally fail.
Throwing a Wobbly - Wobblies can be particularly effective in Church Meetings. However if a player attempts to throw one during Worship Time, then the Church Warden or Chief Steward has powers of Removal from the Premises. The effects of a Wobbly can also be cancelled by the Minister employing the powers of Caving-in, or alternatively Bluster.
Swimming the Tiber - This can be used by Priests or People, although Priests get +5 for publicity. Swimming the Tiber is reversible, although we suspect it can only be used once.
Titheing - This power is defunct in Advanced Priests and Parishes™ since very few were using it.
Back-Stabbing Shouldn't really be a skill needed in this game.
Mentioning Jesus - this is not allowed in Church meetings as it may dissolve the State of Unknowing which causes all members of committees to forget why they are there. The "God told me..." power is allowed, as nobody really believes it.
J1 - The Jumble Sale: this starter module will introduce you to back-biting, gossip and claiming things are "Mission", as well as the raising of very small numbers of gold pieces.
S1 - Deanery synod of Doom
S2 - Diocesan Synod of Doom
S3 - General Synod of Doom
- the "Synod of Doom" series is strictly for students, retired people and similar people with lots of spare time.
A1 - The Anthem - you are on a race against time to stop the Methodist Choir from singing the "Anthem". Can you remove the powers from the Organist before the deadly power of Vibrato removes the Will to Live from the congregation?
C1 - Revenge of the Deanery Chapter - will you ever discover what the secretive and elusive "Chapter" does? (Ans - probably not)
H1 - In search of Socinus - a member of the Local Preacher's Meeting is suspected of thinking Jesus is "just a bloke". By charging round the Circuit, you must detect and eliminate the "rogue preacher". Your ability to withstand Bad Coffee and your Standing in Draughts powers will be stretched as never before.
B1 - The Bald and the Beautiful - why are radiant heaters being placed on the ceilings of chapels? Is it just an attempt to irradiate bald people?
In the 1980s, before we discovered there were more serious things to worry about, there were many claims that Role-Playing Games were satanic, and that playing them led straight to the fiery maw of the Dark One.
While most Christian leaders were content merely to condemn Gary Gygax and all his works, one group decided to produce a rival, radical and exciting faith-community based game. Unfortunately they were in the Church of England, so it's taken 30 years to get it through the Committee stage. But here it is - a new and exciting chance to enter into adventure in the world of Pee-Cee-Cee, where monsters stalk every corridor.
Don't forget there's a range of add-on accessories you can buy - the "Church Warden's Manual" will give you the full instructions on how to play Advanced Priests and Parishes™, which is just like the basic version but costs more.
But enough of the sales spiel - let's get on and play!
Rolling your Character
You must throw two dice 10 times. Write down each number against the attributes on your Player Card™. These attributes decide what player type you can choose:Bell-Ringers must score at least six or more in Strength, Stamina and Ale-drinking.
Organists need to score six or more in Sitting in Draughts, Perseverance and Unsettling the Vicar.
Ministers should ideally have high scores in all categories. At least that's what it says in the Parish Profile. However these types of characters are only actually available in the special module, Imaginary Priests and Parishes. Note that advancement to greater levels depends upon your character's race, denomination and gender - British Methodists and British Women.are not allowed to be raised to "Bishop".
Evangelists should have high scores in Listening to People and Caring. Failing that, a score of 12 in Shouting will probably do.
Sunday School Teachers need higher scores than Ministers. But don't think anyone will notice.
Barrack-Room Lawyers have high levels of Sincerity, Cunning and Intelligence, but normally low scores for Loyalty and Empathy. Their special powers include Total Confusion, All-Out War and Writing to the Bishop.
Worship Group Leaders need high scores in Charisma and Tunefulness. Their special powers include Segue and Train-Wreck.
Flower-Arrangers These characters are the most feared of all in Priests and Parishes™. Lethal with a bowl of petunias, and possessors of the Dangerous Lily Pollen of Allergy.
Stewards Again, this player type's powers advance differently with different denominations. In the Methodists they can get as far as "Circuit Steward", which is like a sheriff but without the badge.
Treasurers have the job of accumulating Gold Pieces and uncovering secret stashes of treasure. They normally fail.
Special Powers
These are powers that all players can use during the course of the game, although their effectiveness will vary according to the player-character's attributes.Throwing a Wobbly - Wobblies can be particularly effective in Church Meetings. However if a player attempts to throw one during Worship Time, then the Church Warden or Chief Steward has powers of Removal from the Premises. The effects of a Wobbly can also be cancelled by the Minister employing the powers of Caving-in, or alternatively Bluster.
Swimming the Tiber - This can be used by Priests or People, although Priests get +5 for publicity. Swimming the Tiber is reversible, although we suspect it can only be used once.
Titheing - This power is defunct in Advanced Priests and Parishes™ since very few were using it.
Back-Stabbing Shouldn't really be a skill needed in this game.
Mentioning Jesus - this is not allowed in Church meetings as it may dissolve the State of Unknowing which causes all members of committees to forget why they are there. The "God told me..." power is allowed, as nobody really believes it.
New Scenarios
So now you've a character rolled up, very few gold pieces and a hole in your roof, it's time to get down to the Beaker Bazaar or your local World of Worshipcraft, and buy one of these great modules:J1 - The Jumble Sale: this starter module will introduce you to back-biting, gossip and claiming things are "Mission", as well as the raising of very small numbers of gold pieces.
S1 - Deanery synod of Doom
S2 - Diocesan Synod of Doom
S3 - General Synod of Doom
- the "Synod of Doom" series is strictly for students, retired people and similar people with lots of spare time.
A1 - The Anthem - you are on a race against time to stop the Methodist Choir from singing the "Anthem". Can you remove the powers from the Organist before the deadly power of Vibrato removes the Will to Live from the congregation?
C1 - Revenge of the Deanery Chapter - will you ever discover what the secretive and elusive "Chapter" does? (Ans - probably not)
H1 - In search of Socinus - a member of the Local Preacher's Meeting is suspected of thinking Jesus is "just a bloke". By charging round the Circuit, you must detect and eliminate the "rogue preacher". Your ability to withstand Bad Coffee and your Standing in Draughts powers will be stretched as never before.
B1 - The Bald and the Beautiful - why are radiant heaters being placed on the ceilings of chapels? Is it just an attempt to irradiate bald people?
Ok, you got me ROFL! I started D&D in 6th grade to the complete embarrassment of my VERY Catholic parents. My mom was convinced I was worshipping the devil and summoning demons every Saturday night. They met several times with our rector to try and work out interventions and such as my immortal soul hung in the balance and was destined for certain damnation. I'm so glad that through the undoubtedly endless number of committees you have finally given us an approved version of RPG that will not get me into trouble with church authorities! Your concern for our eternal souls is appreciated.
ReplyDeletesuperlative; also watchout for non-singers wearing acoustic guitars - a particularly lethal sending back 2 levels devise if not immediately dispatched with Les Paul rifle
ReplyDeleteI note that RPG also stands for Rocket Propelled Grenade. Coincidence? I think not.
ReplyDelete