Yes that noise floating over Husborne Crawley you can hear is Young Keith.
I don't know it's upset him so much. I mean, it doesn't get me that down, and I've known about him for ages.
But at least now I can tell him about his father, that so-charming, rotten lying philandering Greek bloke. Which explains Keith's dark-eyed good looks. And also why he's always in debt.
Poor Keith. It must be devastating to discover that a rapdily ageing, dictatorial woman is his mother!
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, doesn't he realise that he is heir to a multi-trillion pound fortune, accumulated through ill-gotten enterprises, fleecing of pilgrims and exploitation of honest workers and laid up in a tax haven near the West Indies.
All he needs now is a 'cunning plan' to dispose of the Arch Druid and Bingo - instant riches.
These reunions sometimes don't work well, especially if the younger participant had some rosy dream of an imaginary mother and the circumstances surrounding his or her birth.
ReplyDeleteI suppose he could try to ingratiate himself with dear old Mom and be a support to her in her declining years until nature takes its course and he's left with all the loot.
Thinking about it, the more risky approach of a 'cunning plan' might be better. He'd better ensure there are no other long-lost family members. They tend to pop out of the woodwork when there's a fortune just lying around waiting to be claimed.
Off course, the Arch Druid will have to tell Keith that her fortunes have been dissipated by frivolity and buying steel capped boots over the years. And that nice Gorgeous George Osborne has put a tax on all of her off-shore investments, which has reduced them from trillions to billions.
ReplyDeleteHowever, if he'd like to use Wonga.com, which she owns, he can have some dosh drip fed to him, and help to rebuild her fortunes, by paying 20,000% interest on it.