Litany Before Posting or Retweeting Absolutely Anything on Twitter

Oh Lord, help me to think about what I am going to do
before I actually do it.

For this secret knowledge is sweet
Spicy morsels of news are piquant to the tongue
Gossip makes the face to shine
And secret knowledge causes my ears to tingle.

But I know not if what I retweet is true
I just assumed it was because it is on the Internet.
And my followers are ever hungry for novelty,
and retweets make glad the human heart.

Prevent me from posting some knee-jerk reaction of the Right (or more likely Left)
which will cause me to look like a right twerp in the light of day.

Teach me, O Lord, to number my drinks
so that I may appraise my fitness to tweet wisdom.
Have I gladdened my heart too much with wine (or gin)
for my critical faculties to appraise correctly this opinion I am about to share?

For I remember that the Google Cache is forever
and the bowels of the Internet are deep and unforgiving.

And so I shall close my browser, switch off Tweetdeck
and walk slowly up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire.

I shall not consult my mobile during the night watches
Nor the smartphone in the depths of darkness
for my fuddled brain might tweet something
I will regret in the morning.