Christian Cheese

This, my faithful followers, is nothing to do with this morning's post about Make Whey. No, this is a completely different subject.

This definition of "Christian Cheese" is that phenomenon whereby Christian folk ask happy questions, or make happy noises, with a wide cheesy grin - but you kind of suspect, somewhere behind the happy, beatific mask, that they're just dying a bit inside. And you smile cheesily and make a cheesy reply - but behind the cheesy grin you're also quietly dying a bit inside. And it's not that you want to think they're dying inside, but you really want to say "look, I'm having a really bad time. And you've come over here smiling, and I strongly suspect that you're just as brittle inside as I am, but you're hiding it just like I am.

"So there's two options. Either you really are as bruised as me, and we should both admit it, and then we can do what Christians are supposed to do and prop up each other's burdens.

"Or, in fact, you're cheesy to the bone. In which case GET OUT OF MY FACE, O PERFECT CHRISTIAN, WITH YOUR PERFECT LIFE AND YOUR PERFECT SPOUSE AND YOUR PERFECT KIDS AND YOUR PERFECT HOUSE AND YOUR PERFECT RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AND YOUR PERFECT TEETH AND YOUR PERFECT ABILITY TO REMEMBER NOT JUST ACTUAL REAL WORDS FROM THE BIBLE, BUT ALSO THE BOOK, CHAPTER AND VERSE THEY COME FROM."

I'm sorry. I really don't know what happened there. Kind of hit a raw nerve, I guess.

Anyone want a cheese straw? We're all clutching at them round here.