Monty Python and the Civil Partnership

A Northern mill town. Haunting brass band music pays. Graham Chapman leads his three-legged donkey along a street of terraced houses. Entering a house, he finds his son (Michael Palin) and mother (Terry Jones - not the dangerous American pastor - the nice one with the posh voice). 


Chapman: Trouble at t'mill.

Palin: Oh no - what kind of trouble?

Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle.

Jones [falsetto]: Pardon?

Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle.

Jones: I don't understand what you're saying.

Chapman: [slightly irritably and with exaggeratedly clear accent] One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treadle.

Jones: Well what on earth does that mean?

Chapman: I don't know - Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all.

Palin: Mother, Father. There is something I need to tell you.

Chapman: Is it abowt t'cross beam?

Palin: No, father. You spend all your time worrying about cross-beams, treddles, winding gear and looms. You never appreciate the finer things - art, music and... and love.

Chapman: Loov? Dost know owt abowt loov?

Palin: Yes father, I do. Father and mother - I need to tell you. I have fallen in love. And I want to enter into a state of Civil Partnership with Toby, from the Whippet Club.

Jones: Well, son. Obviously it's not what we would have hoped for. You weren't designed to enter into a state of sexual union with another man - it's not the ideal, not the Biblical pattern you were meant to fit into. It's clear to your father and me that, while a Civil Partnership expresses some of the features that you might expect in a marriage, nevertheless it is not the ideal environment in which to raise children. Therefore, although we will make certain accommodations - make young Toby welcome, and always hope for the best for you both, we don't really think we can give you our blessing.

Palin: Well, I didn't expect a kind of Faith and Order Commission.