My New Year's Resolutions

1. Walk or cycle everywhere within a 15-mile radius rather than using the car. Regardless of the weather. It's good for me.
2. Be kinder to the half-wits I have to deal with every day, recognising that at least some of their stupidity may not be totally their own fault.
3. Develop a new Beaker liturgy in Latin, but written in the Cyrillic text, so everybody thinks it must be really, really authentic.
4. Have a kind word for everybody. Or, at least, kinder than "loser".
5. By following the health advice of the Daily Mail, adopt precisely the mixture of foods to eat and avoid, exercise, and other activities to live forever.
6. Stop thinking that Bastard Feudalism was a better way to run a country. Even though it was.
7. Give up drinking, except socially or when I fancy it.
8. Stop trying to sell insurance to visiting Jehovah's Witnesses.
9. Be less gullible.
10. Spend the first ten minutes of each day counting my blessings, rather than fearing the worst.
11. Look boldly at the worst, and defy it to do its worst.
12. Cross everything off my "to-do" list before going to bed.
13. Get more sleep.
14.  Take time for the little things. Like Burton Dasset's brain. I will buy him a tin-foil hat to protect it, maybe.
15. Recognise that people I don't agree with, are often sincere in their beliefs and not necessarily evil or just trolling.
16. Study logic so I crush the arguments of people I don't agree with, exposing them as the evil trolls they actually are.
17. Adopt a Quantum Zen attitude to life, whereby I can simultaneously do nasty things but think I'm doing them for the best possible reasons.
18. Read an improving book every day.
19. Be kinder to animals. Except the ones I eat.
20. Avoid declaring war on any small countries. Except maybe Sweden.
21.  Recycle old blogposts, to be good for the environment.
22. Make more time for others.
23. Drink only healthy, chlorinated tap water. So much safer than bottled or rain. And definitely safer than that brook.
24. Visit Marston Moretaine in hospital.
25. Apologise to Marston Moretaine for persuading him that drinking water from the brook is more natural, and therefore healthier.
26. Take up smoking, so I can give up smoking. Then I can be even more smug and aggressively anti-smoker.
27. Read a book of the Bible every day.
28. Improve my time management.
29. Listen to a symphony every day, ensuring that I can really concentrate on it.
30. Be more realistic about what I can achieve.