Flooding Caused by Gay Marriage

At last, somebody has said what we were all thinking. A member of UKIP has associated the recent flooding with the passing of the Gay Marriage bill. The Prime Minister, of course, blames Global Warming. But he is merely trying to distract attention from his own, direct, sinful responsibility.

A notoriously gay road

 This is entirely in agreement with what my study of the divinely-commanded disasters of the whole of history has indicated. My new book, "When God Gets Angry and Kicks Things Around", will be published just as soon as I can find a publisher suitably godly not to keep laughing when I give him the synopsis. But to give you a taster - here are just some of the disasters I detail.

Disaster	Cause
2013 - Flooding	Gay Marriage
2005 - Hurricane Katrina	"Family Guy"
1994 - Norwich Library catches fire	Church of England ordains female priests
1987 - London Hurricane / Black Monday	The Pet Shop Boys
1980 - Election of Ronald Reagan	The rise of Disco
1970s - Americans lose in Vietnam	Women wearing slacks
1939 - World War II	Women wearing nylons
1929 - Stock Market Crash / The Great Depression	Women Getting the Vote
1914 - World War I	The Tango
1780 - Gordon Riots	Gin
1666 - Great Fire of London	People blaming God for the Plague
1665 - London Plague	Charles II's Mistress, Barbara Villiers
1558 - Loss of Calais	Codpieces
1453 - Fall of Constantinople	Icons
c15th Century - Death of Greenland's Vikings	Too much mead and sagas
1066 - Battle of Hastings	King Harold's Mistress
476 - Fall of the Roman Empire	Roman Catholicism
79 - Destruction of Pompeii	Nail-biting
146 BC - Fall of Hellenistic Greece	Homosexuality
4004 BC - Throwing out of Eden	Eating apples and wearing fig leaves

There is no doubt about it, brothers and sisters. Until we return to a time of godliness and good behaviour, such as under the lawful, godly and - above all - disaster-free Oliver Cromwell or Edward the Confessor, we will never know peace in our land.