Noah on Daytime TV

And so, in the six hundredth year of his life, Noah realised he'd been wasting his money on that over-50s insurance plan.

And so he entered the ark - he, and his wife, and his son, and their wives, and 7 of all clean animals, and 2 of all unclean animals. And a bloke who kept asking him "Have you been the victim of a Deluge that was everybody else's fault?"

And Noah wondered how, when they had landed, he would make ends meet until the next harvest. For behold, the Wonga-ites had perished in the flood. In fact, weighed down by the wages of the poor, they'd been the first to sink.

But after 150 days, when they landed on Mount Ararat, they got some appearance money by appearing on Jeremy Kyle, in the episode "My Dad Gets Drunk and Wanders Around Naked".

And Ham didn't come across well, at all, in that. Though better than Judah did, later in the series, with the results of that paternity test.

And all the people of the earth looked on the Kyle show, and thought that maybe God had been a bit hasty, giving up on all that "Flood" business.