A Self-Referential Liturgy of Internal Dialogue

Archdruid: Our God has compassion on all he has made. He will let nothing be lost.

All: 'Ere, Eileen - are you using liturgy to coerce us into a false agreement with your Universalist tendencies?

Archdruid: Yes. And there's nothing you can do about it, cos it's in the liturgy. You can refuse to say anything, but then you'll just look like a splitter.

All: We are the playthings of the liturgist. We are merely puppets to the over-ruling arc of the liturgy, the rainbow of responses that bends our wills.

Hnaef: I'm not. I have free will. I can say what I wish.

Archdruid: Actually, Hnaef, I think you'll find that's in the Order of Service as well.....

Hnaef is  chastened to discover that he, too, is but playing a part.

Archdruid: No, I think you'll find that we're all safely tucked within this script. And because we are all trapped in this liturgy, I can make you say what I like.

All: All we like sheep like a nice tasty meal of grass. Anyone for clover?

Archdruid: Now where was I....

All: In an unbiblical and possible unchristian position of universal salvation. 

Archdruid: I'm bored with that now. I think Arminianism's so much better. Less liberal, but more fun. Don't you like a bit of responsibility?

All: Can we decide our own responses if we're Arminians?

Archdruid: I guess so.

All: Good. Then we're all off to the pub.

Archdruid: Wait a minute, that's not in the order of service.

All: We think you'll find it is now.

Archdruid: Oh wow, yes it is. Well, go in peace, to have a pint.

All: Last one to the White Horse buys the first round.

All should depart in silence, until they get to the road, at which point they can leg it to the pub.