Carey on Regardless

Thinking about it, the last-but-one Archbishop of Canterbury's antics proves that the Pope has the right idea on these things. Even as the Synod vote on women being bishops was being announced, George was ready to steal their thunder by jumping over the Grand Canyon on a rocket-powered motor bike.

At the last minute, somebody pointed out that Bishop George doesn't know how to ride a rocket-powered motor bike. That may be true, but it didn't stop him offering endless advice to the bloke who actually did do the jump.

So I've sent Justin Welby a plan and quote on spec. The Canterburycon will contain two fully-equipped living quarters. One apartment will be visited on a daily basis by animatronic Daily Mail reporters. The other will have a door that actually lets the occupant out, but has a bungalow next door in which a roster of members of the Campaign for Plain English will live, ready to accompany Rowan anywhere he goes.

If the idea catches on, I'll be offering it to Dave Cameron. It would provide the perfect environment in which we could hold Tony Blair - showing him holographic images of world leaders and the ability, in his leisure hours, to play "Call of Duty - the reconquest of Syria". And he'll have the option of changing the people he wants to bomb whenever he gets bored.