The Altar Call that Never Ended

Archdruid "It's been a great time of worship, with some songs that have really spoken to us about how rotten we are, and how good God is not to have wiped us from the face of the earth already.

I mean, some of us are so loathsome by nature you wonder how God can even look at us. And, if it's you that I'm talking about, you'll know who you are.

So now I'd like everybody to sit quietly, with their eyes closed.

And if you're one of those people that feels that crumby, that foul, that you wonder how God could ever look on you - you know who you are - then very gently I'd like you to just put one hand in the air. Nobody else is looking. Not even me. Though, obviously, neither will I be needing to put my hand in the air. I'm past all that kind of thing. That's why I get to lead.

Now, I'm aware that there aren't any hands in the air at the moment..."

[Charlii: "That's because you're squinting!"]

Archdruid: "Shhh... So I'd like you to go back and think of all the rotten things you've ever, ever done.... Did you ever pull the wings off a Daddy Long Legs as a child, to try to convert it into a spider? Did you fight with your siblings? Have lustful thoughts? For the same gender? Different gender? Different species.... Did you ever take too much dinner at a self-service cafeteria and get offended when you were charged for a double portion?

Well..... Let's try this.... do any of you still feel hurts because of somebody being nasty to you? Has anybody made you feel small?

No?  OK..... let's turn to phobias....."