The Woman Who Married Herself

The Guardian achieves the omega-point to which it has always been reaching, as it carries the story of the woman who married herself.

Obviously, there are advantages in marrying youself. When you die, you get to inherit the lot, tax-free. But I'm not sure I could marry myself. Sure, you've got your own company. And you're always there, by your side. But all the sulking, the bitter silences, the arguing about where to go on holiday - it's just too much of a strain.

And then there's Grace Gelder's comment that one day she may want to marry a real partner. Well, sure. But the divorce is going to be hell before she can do that. It's going to be a problem proving she's lived apart from herself for a set amount of time. And proving irretrievable breakdown will be tricky. If she's had kids by then, the custody battle is going to be really confusing. And, if it gets really acrimonious, she may be tempted to sneak into the house when she's out, and cut all the things she shares with herself into one to make a point. Nasty.

Still, Grace Gelder has had just the day she wants. One where she was the centre of attention. And now, if at any time she feels her self-promotion has made her do something embarrassing in front of her friends, her family (most of whom wisely stayed at home) and the whole of Comment is Free - well, she's going to have to live with herself, isn't she?