Tips for a Successful Church Plant

1. Try to get something that can stand the cold. From September to May it's at the constant risk of falling below zero.
2. A good compost is important. It must be able to put down good roots. 
3. If the light isn't good, growth will be slow.
4. Don't put it in the font. It upsets people. Especially if it's a cactus.
5. Spider plants are very tough, relishing lack of attention, And they have the habit of producing lots of little spider plants which you can give to friends. Who'll forget where they put them. It's a kind of metaphor for sharing your faith, I guess.

   

   It's important to plant yews at the right time

6. Xmas trees are for Xmas, not for life. Unless they're planted outside.
7. Yews are a good choice for the churchyard. As long as you planted them 100 years ago.
8. Avoid prickly things. Like the PCC. You don't need their approval to have a plant.
9. If it starts to grow strongly, remember that it will need more room to spread. A bigger container may be required.
10. Don't grow vegetables in the church. They may move quicker than the vicar. Although at least with potatoes you'll get a decent crop