Liturgy For Cyber Monday

Beaker Folk assemble in the Upgrade Room, having - once again - been conned into wearing Bluetooth earpieces

Archdruid: Once again, my plan to take over the world using emotionless, robotic life-forms in the shape of humanity comes to fruition!

All: No! You don't mean....

Archdruid: Yes! I'm converting you all into railway station announcers 

All: But they're all computerised and automatic aren't they?

Archdruid: That's what I wanted you to think! In fact there is, trapped in every station on the St Pancras line, a cyber person whose job is to delay the trains and make announcements. They feast on the psychic misery they cause.

All: Aaaargh! This isn't what we meant by Cyber-Monday! Can't we just go and buy something? And this isn't a liturgy: it's just a script!

Archdruid: OK. Go and shop in peace. We can upgrade you on Tuesday.

All: And also with you.