A Visit from Ed Balls

Twas upon an Ed Balls Night, when all through the House
Only Bercow was stirring, as short as a mouse;
Leaflets were posted by candidates fraught,
In hopes of obtaining the votes that were sought;
The voters were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Eric Pickles danced in their heads;
David Cameron with port, Nigel Farage with beer,
Were settling down to their spring evening cheer
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the green springtime grass
Showed football shorts tight on a chubby bloke’s bottom
And before my eyes, there arose like a dream,
The complete Labour Party election team
While the bloke wearing shorts, tight as other folks' smalls,
I knew in a moment it must be Ed Balls. 

Ed Balls in Shorts from Daily Mail

More rapid than eagles his colleagues they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Yvette! now, Miliband! Umunna and Burnham!
On, Danny! on, Rosie! on Harriet Harman!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! 

Now tax away! tax away! tax away all!” 

As a snowfall will form into deep winter drifts,

So Ed Balls now scattered his Ed Balls Day gifts.

A tax for the mansions, a bash for the toffs.

A good cash injection for people with coughs

And countering five years of Tory adversity

A moderate easing of fiscal austerity.

The hardship of students he endeavoured to ease

By a three grand reduction in tuition fees.

And running around in assorted small nooks

Little Ed Balls started balancing books.

As the pile of his pledges grew taller and taller

I saw that the deficit became very slightly smaller.

Then a cry he gave out, as he returned to his sleigh

"These shorts are so tight I'll have to fly away"

And he said, as he flew over fences and walls,

"Good night to all people, and to everyone - Balls!"