Nativity of Morrissey

Other religions have their saints, and so do we. We prefer people from the modern era, on the grounds that most of our target audience - sorry, mission field -  have no real grasp of history. Morrissey is about as near to a martyr as you can get, at any rate. Even if he is self-appointed.


Hi-viz colour: Grey

Lamentation

Leader:        Panic on the streets of London. Panic on the streets of Birmingham.

All:        I was looking for a job and then I found a job, and heaven knows I'm miserable now.

Confession

All: Sweetness, I was only joking when I said by rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed.

Archdruid: The devil will find work for idle hands to do

All: I stole and I lied, and why? because you asked me to

Absolution

Leader:        William, it was really nothing.

Realisation that it's the world that is wrong, and not us, all along

All: You shut your mouth how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does

Affirmation of vague belief

Oh, there is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out

There is a light and it never goes out

Primal-scream-like anger catharsis ritual

Archdruid:    Hang the D.J.

All:        Hang the D.J.

Archdruid:    Hang the D.J.

All:        Hang the D.J.

Archdruid:    Hang the D.J. Hang the D.J. Hang the DJ.

All:        Hang the D.J.

Liturgy of healing for a post-modern, liberal congregation

Those Requiring healing: I'm too tired, I'm so very tired and I'm feeling very sick and ill today

Archdruid: Does the body rule the mind or does the mind rule the body? I don't know.

Those Requiring healing:       Am I still ill?

Prayers of Intercession

All: So please please please let me, let me, let me
let me get what I want 
For once in my life let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time
Lord knows it would be the first time. 

Dismissal

Archdruid: So you go, and you stand on your own and you leave on your own
and you go home, and you cry and you want to die.

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Adapted from the Beaker Common Prayer