Well, that was a very gruelling Druidic Discernment Day.
The potential druids have been through an elaborate 4 year process of filtering, consideration and challenging, to get them to today's Preliminary Elimination Process.
Which we started last night in the bar with the offer to people to choose their own drinks from the available selection. Real ale or cider; gin and tonic; red wine and "just a soft drink please" are all acceptable, of course. But I felt sorry for Leo. He asked for a craft beer. But he hadn't ticked the box for "pioneer ministry".
At 5am we then woke them up for the "what's wrong with the boiler?" exercise. As trying to diagnose the problem with a heating system while sleep-stupid is a vital part of ministry. Many original, ingenious and borderline-obscene suggestions as to what the issue might be - including loose flanges, frayed bushes, blocked cocks and insufficient air supply - were received. Although some of that might have just been swearing, thinking about it. But the successful candidates realised that the real problem was no money to buy fuel oil.
As usual the candidates enjoyed the blindfold stock-car course, a good indication as to how they will perform when getting around a number of rural Druidic communities early in the morning.
And we had to give everybody a good rest after the five mile yomp through the forest while carrying the complete works of Karl Barth.
But it was the final task that really sorted the survivors from the rest. Our ministerial selection version of Just a Minute: "Speak for 10 minutes without repetition, hesitation or inadvertently saying something that gets you crucified on Social Media." Basically, if you can finish your talk without trending on Twitter, you're in.
I'd like to thank our ecumenical partners for their observation of this year's selection process, and their constructive feedback. The Anglican suggested dry sherry is also an acceptable ministerial tipple. The Catholic wondered what the women were doing there. And the Methodist thought we were maybe a bit soft on the candidates.
So that's how you get to be an Anglican minister - sorry, cross that out - Druid.
ReplyDeleteI am sure the Catholic observer was bemused by more than the presence of That Other Sex. He was probably wondering more urgently where was the filtering-out of Latinists (because if you can read Latin you must think you are better than the rest of us); the winnowing-out of those who speak approvingly of such outdated texts as the Ten Commandments or the Beatitudes (because no point giving the people ideas they will find hard to live up to, is there?); the absolute banning of anyone who uses unacceptable language (three-letter words like SIN, for example, or polysyllables like Transubstantiation).