Hotel Corbyn-Phobia

In a dark Tory nightmare, looking out for somewhere
They didn't want austerity, offered something less unfair
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shining light
A bearded bloke with a leftist slant
I thought this must be right
But there stood in the doorway;
Someone with a different story
And I was thinking to myself,
"She could be Lib Dem or could be Tory"
She was called Liz Kendall, but she wasn't the right way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to the Hotel Corbyn-phobia
But we don't want shirkers (Don't want shirkers)
Or Socialist Workers.
Only 3 quid at the Hotel Corbyn-phobia
But you're off the scene (you are off the scene)
If we think you're Green.

Tory MP signed up, but this is where his voting ends.
Mark Steel got rejected, he's got lefty friends
How they shout in the media, how badly they're treated
Some complain in the papers, Jeremy Hardy tweeted.

So I called up Yvette Cooper,
"Could you protect that mine?"
She said, "We haven't had that policy since nineteen seventy nine"
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

Welcome to the Hotel Corbyn-phobia
We all want to win (we all want to win)
Without a left wing (without a left wing)
Voting away at the Hotel Corbyn-phobia
We will treat your right (we'll treat you right)
If you're a Blairite. 

Mirror's backing Burnham,
Johnson wants Yvette to win
He said "We don't want no lefties here, we'll never get back in."
And in the inner chambers,
They're going through the list
And they'll send you a rejection letter,
If you're a Trade Unionist and Socialist.

Last thing I remember, I was
Dreaming of '74
I had to find the way back
To the Labour there was before
"Relax, " said the Party,
"You're all in the same boat.
You can join up any time you like,
But you can never vote! "