Liturgy for Cheering Up Simon Jenkins of the Guardian

Archdruid: He is a man of constant sorrow.

All: In him all joy is killed.

Archdruid: Where is his excited happiness of eight years ago? When he snarked only about other nations?

All: Gone. All gone.

Archdruid: And where his approval of London 2012; where he complained only that we wouldn't get our money back?

All: But be fair. He's been grumping about expenditure per medal since at least 2006.

Archdruid: So if we cried tears like unto the river Jordan, or the great Wadi,

All: We would never shed all the tears of Simon Jenkins that we are winning Olympic golds.

Archdruid: Tears that have sprung up since the beginning of time.

All: Jeremiads like unto Jeremiah.

Archdruid: He's never gonna stop banging on, is he?

All: Still. At least he's consistent.

Archdruid: Have another medal?

All: Don't mind if we do.