How to Shorten a Church Meeting

Normal meeting length: 2 hours 30 minutes

Start on time - saves 10 minutes

Pray for an effective meeting - saves 10 minutes

Ban all references to the previous minister - saves 30 minutes

Refuse to indulge any reminiscences from the 70s - saves 10 minutes

Refuse to listen to the views of anonymous members of the congregation, or unnamed "friends", as related to a member of the committee - saves 10 minutes

Only allow the Mission Committee to give one excuse for their not having met in the last year - save 5 minutes.

Do not accept any items of "Any Other Business" that aren't pre-notified - saves half an hour.

Total time saving - 1 hour 45

Actual meeting length - 45 minutes

Overall effectiveness of meeting - about the same as normal.