Unspoken Liturgy for a Cougher on Public Transport

Cougher: Cough!

Thinker 1: Ooh. That was quite a cough.

Cougher: Cough!

Thinker 2: Another cough? Maybe it wasn't just a one-off.

Cougher: Cough!

T3: Nah, that's not just a tickle is it?

Cougher: Cough!

T4: Someone has decided to drag themself 60 miles into the office.

All: [ironically] So brave! So dedicated!

Cougher: Cough!

T5: You know, I'm starting to worry that might be TB.

Cougher: Cough!

T6: Maybe I should move away. If only people weren't standing all the way down the aisle...

Cougher: Cough!

All: [Pleading] O Fear of Israel, who dragged thy people out of the desert into the promised land, get us safely to the end of this journey without compromising our immune systems.

Cougher: Cough! Cough! Cough!

T7: Ooer. Reckon he lost half a lung there.

Cougher: Cough!

T8: His boss must be a bastard...

Cougher: Cough!

T9: His boss must be a bastard who is always going down with coughs s/he* catches off his staff.

Cougher: Cough!

All: Have a drink of water!

Dismissal

All: Door's open! Let's get out!

Cougher: Cough!

All: And also with you.

* Almost certainly he....