Liturgy for Patronising People Receiving Their GCSE Results

Hymn: Another Brick in the Wall

Archdruid: Let us all humble-brag our poor educational results.

Famous Columnist: I failed all my A Levels and now I'm a Famous Columnist.

Twitter Vicar: I failed all my GCSEs and now I'm a vicar on Twitter.

TV Presenter: Failed all mine and now I get to read an auto cue for a living.

Famous Brain Surgeon: I failed all my O Levels but I worked my way up via carpentry

Businesswoman: I failed all my GCSEs and now I'm a successful businesswoman.

All: What about you, Eileen?

Archdruid: 9 O Levels and went to Oxford. Why do you think I'm the Archdruid?

All: No. You're supposed to say you failed and it didn't matter.

Archdruid: Well of course it matters if you fail. What is this? Self-delusion day? Self-publicising day for people who got away with not trying...?

The Archdruid is dragged out of the Moot House.

Hnaef: I failed all my O Levels and...

Archdruid  [From outside] : Liar! 

Mmmph!

Charlii: Let us all now praise ourselves...

All: Didn't we do this last week?

"Telegraph" Journalists: Can we take pictures of 16 year old girls jumping around? Is that allowed?

Hymn: School's Out

Stacey: Let us go in peace to big ourselves up.

All: Too right!