Pre-Advent Bingo

Time like an ever-rolling stream carries us ever closer to Advent.

Ah, Pre-Advent! That time of expectation when we get ready for the next 5 weeks of relentless Christmas, until we get to Christmas and start thinking about buying new couches on the debt we can't afford and next summer's holiday to a place where, for one last summer, we won't have to queue for ages to get into a country we have decided we don't really want to be friends with anymore.

But to while away the time till Advent gets here, why not play Beaker Advent Bingo? Just look out for the signs of the times, and listen for the catchphrases of the Scrooges de nos jours.  If you get five in a row, downwards across or diagonal, award yourself the first crafty swig of the Baileys you put on top of the high cupboard in the kitchen so you weren't tempted.  If you get a full house before Advent Sunday, just give up and put a Santa hat on.  Christmas is clearly already here.

"Not even Advent Yet"	"We used to put the tree up on Xmas Eve	First article by an uninformed Guardian journalist saying that Christmas was originally a pagan festival. And making some disastrous philological mistakes.	"What do you mean Black Friday is a week?"	Seasonal reminder that the White House Turkey will be dead of inbred medical conditions before next Thanksgiving
"55 quid for dinner on Xmas Day at the pub? I'll cook it myself."	"Couldn't get in the pub for people in Santa hats and it's not even December".	Reindeer Horns on Bar Staff	Stores playing 10 seconds snatches of Christmas music to advertise their "CD Jukebox" which won't last till New Year.	A load of people you don't recognise on "I'm a Celebrity."
Realising Children in Need has gone past and being relieved you never even noticed.	You run out of the cheap booze you bought in France to save for Xmas and New Year.	Rotary Club advertising their Father Christmas is coming round but you don't know why. Charity maybe you reckon?	Mince pies with a "best before" date before Christmas	"Is it Cyber Monday or Blue Monday?"
You hear "A Spaceman Came Travelling" for the ninety-third time.	Freezer is full of the thousands of pounds of onions your relative with an allotment gave you before the frosts struck	Realising you're getting old and overweight when someone asks if you can be Father Christmas.	What do you mean Black Friday is a week?	German Christmas Markets pop up in English provincial towns like a love for all things German has been gripping them the last two years.
Adverts for after shave are following you round the Internet after you had a quick look for Uncle Ron's present on Amazon.	Daily Express forecasts that it's going to be the coldest winter ever.	Bling you could see from outer space	Sunday Morning church readings getting increasingly threatening. Vicar coming up with caveats for God. Like none of it will really happen.	Warnings that it's going to be a bad Christmas on the High Street. Whatever a High Street is.

---

Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. And don't forget it's nearly Christmas!