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Saturday, 24 November 2018

Church Small Ads

For sale: "Evangelical Theology" by Karl Barth. First page slightly creased. But none of the others.

For sale: four historic altar frontals. Still preserving the original bat droppings.

Free to a good home: Overhead Projector and 325 handwritten acetates in alphabetical order. Handwriting occasionally illegible.

For sale: A 19th Century vicarage. 5 bedrooms, 2 receptions, 2 bathrooms. Retaining many original fittings and the vicar. Please don't tell the diocese. We need the cash.

For sale: "Mission Praise" edition 1. 400 copies. God never blessed the vicar's faith and vision. The vicar blamed God.

For sale: Takamine electro-acoustic guitar. Buyer collects before the guitarist gets back from his autumn cruise.

Are you a spirit-filled church, living life in the light of the good news? Then would you like our vicar? You might be able to sort him out.

For sale: Church PA system. Maybe you can figure out how it works.

For sale: a ton of lead. The PCC thought we might as well get there before anyone else did.

Free to a good home: Hassocks and cassocks, hymnbooks, mattocks and billhooks. We've gone "low church", and the choir and the people that maintain the churchyard have walked out.

To let: 20 pews. We reserve the right to have them back when the vicar who removed them leaves.

For sale: Alternative Service Book.Unused.





Want to support this blog?
Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you.

From Amazon, Sarum Bookshop, The Bible Readers Fellowship and other good Christian bookshops. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. By the creator of the Beaker Folk.

1 comment:

  1. For sale, one surprised retired clergy, who insists on singing the BCP Communion Service with responses sung as well.

    For sale, one Reader Emiritus, who insists on robing and sitting on the Curate's Stall when the Bishop Visits. (advert by a pee'd off curate)

    For Sale, One Over Officious Church Warden who persists in addressing the Vicar as "Your Reverance".

    Wanted. A Vicar of the male or female or other gender, who likes incense and catholic liturgy (Missal) but who is happily married or in a Civil Partnership, and who is not intending to insist on a resolution to Invite the ABC to the parish until we've put the roof back on.

    ReplyDelete

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