The Will of the People

And in those days there arose a new religion and a new god. And the new god was called the Will of the People. And the prophet Nige said, when he had poured out libations of 99p Wetherspoons Special Nearly-Off and offered up the scent of Woodbines to the heavens, that the Will of the People was  a hard Brexit and people, set free from the rule of people they hadn't voted for like MEPs, would thank Mogg.

But there arose in those days a new judge over the land - one called the prophetess Theresa. And she had a gray face and said she alone could interpret the Will of the People. But whenever she heard the voice of the Will of the People she was struck dumb and bits of scenery collapsed and everyone shouted "Lo she cannot be a true prophetess for everything she does goes wrong.

But the prophetess only croaked "truly the wisdom of the Will of the People is foolishness to everyone else. Yet I alone hear its voice and will lead the people to a promised land where everyone is substantially worse off. And thus shall I have obeyed the Will of the People. For are not prophets without honour on their own countries?"

And people from other countries cried out to her, "you haven't got any honour over here, either."

And some people cried out saying, "where are the unicorns we were promised?" And others said this whole Will of the People thing was rubbish. But Gray Theresa said they weren't the people whose Will she would listen to.

And there came unto the well once too often a man called Boris. He had had two wives, and the woman he lived with was not his wife. And he said that he alone understood the Will of the People. But the only people who did not think he was an idiot were members of the tribe called Tories. And even that was only because, alongside Chris Grayling, he was a competent intellectual.

And a man long of beard and full of years cried out "follow me! For I alone have the Will of the People." And many followed him. But every time he needed to stand like  rock for what he believed, he cleared off to the allotment.

And so the leaders among the nation fought over what the Will of the People meant. And the people filled their garages with toilet rolls, and hoped they could still buy medicine when they reached the promised land.