He's read too many things online about the dangers of science. He'd be a terrifying anti-vaxxer if, so far, God hadn't blessed him with children. He's been telling us that all things non-organic are toxic, and he's been eradicating all chemicals from his life. Chemicals, it turns out, are the worse. Worse than inorganic farming. Worse than putting dead viruses into yourself to stop yourself being killed by their live relations.
So he demanded we removed all the chemicals from his room. And, what with him paying in good, non-chemical, electronic currency, what could we do? The customer - I mean soul reviver - is always right. So I sent Charlii to sort his room out. But you know how literal she is.
Anyway. Ghiswold walked into his room today, fell straight through the floor. He didn't realise that wood is made of chemicals. To be exact, cellulose. But Charlii knows it is. Ghiswold demanded we re-instate the floor. Demanded someone other than Charlii dealt with the request.
He went back into the room 2 hours later, had to rush out gasping. Hadn't realised that O2, N2 and CO2 are chemicals. Or, as we also call them, "air". Young Keith had only done what he asked, and sucked as much air out as he could manage with a Henry Hoover. Just as well he'd not done it too well, and the window seal ain't as great as it might be. Otherwise Ghiswold might have boiled off into the vacuum of the "Arbor Low Room". Try explaining that to the judge.
He said he needed a drink. We explained that drinks are made up of chemicals. He said he didn't care, he'd had a shock.
An organic drink.
So let's talk about water, or H2O as it's otherwise known. It has no carbon atoms. So while it's very important in chemistry and biochemistry, and in many ways the very underpinning of life - it's not in the very strictest sense of the word "organic".
But ethyl alcohol, CH3CH2OH. Now that's organic.
So, anyway. Stacey Bushes gave him a drink. An organic drink. A large organic drink.
Ghoswold's currently running round the Orchard, screaming there's a goblin sent by Big Pharma behind every tree.
It's been a bit of a day.
| Want to support this blog? Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews  is probably the book for you.From Amazon, Sarum Bookshop, The Bible Readers Fellowship and other good Christian bookshops. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. By the creator of the Beaker Folk. |
That's the trouble with people who get these health fads. I asked a Green party member, why their Skin is not Green? I did it from a safe distance as the the explosion of self righteous wrath was a delight to observe. They were so red in the face, it almost made me green with envy :)
ReplyDelete