Liturgy for the Appointment of a Surprising and Yet Oddly Predicable Football Manager

(On the appointment of Jose Mourinho to replace Mauricio Pochettino as Tottenham Hotspur manager)

Archdruid: When the Spurs got to the Champions League Final

All: It was like they were living in a dream.

Archdruid: Obviously, we didn't want them to win.

All: But it was nice to have another English club there, one that seemed to do things the right way.

Archdruid: But now we realise they have been punching above their weight.

All: They are as if, having beaten Goliath, David went back to getting beaten up by rabbits

Archdruid: Or the rock-hyraxes

All: Or the badgers that frolic among the ruins.

 Archdruid: And now we hear grumbling from Walthamstow, from Hackney and even as far afield as Stevenage and Huntingdon.

All: Where dwell the posh Londoners in exile, who once lived on the east side of the Hackney marshes.

Archdruid: And the cry goes up unto heaven. Or even the chairman's office.

All: And so a change is made, and a man with a pout from a far-off land replaces the man with a puffer jacket from another far-off land.

Archdruid: But will it be as when David replaced Saul?

All: Or as when Jeconiah replaced Jehoiakim?

Archdruid: We're not prophets.

All: But we're going with the latter.

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