We realised the best way to respond to this changing world was to start our new "Alternative Truths Centre". It sounds better than "Conspiracy Theories Symposium" but has much the same effect. And we can house them in very small shared rooms in the Stable Block, as they don't believe they're at risk.
This weekend we've been encouraging the conspiracy theorists seekers after alternative truths to indulge in group hugging sessions. It's a win-win. They get to feel like they're showing the World Government of Newts that they're not fooled. And we get to test our latest scientific theories around gullibility, entitlement, and of course the infective rate of Covid-19 among foolish people. Which I'm going to be writing up into my seminal paper "Impact of Gullibilty on the Spread of Covid-19", and publishing without peer review on Facebook.
But today being the bank holiday Monday itself, we've been holding our special one-day Festival of Tin Hattery. Every one of our gullible victims radical free-thinkers has been issued with a special Beaker tin hat. Proven to ward off 5G, 4G, the thoughts of Janet Daley of the Telegraph and acid rain. Which isn't a thing. We put a kettle out in the rain and it hasn't dissolved at all. Acid rain, it turns out, is scientifically proven to be just an MSM hoax.
So this evening's events...
At 7pm we've got the famous actor, Gilles de Tonkington-Tonkington, telling us about the discoveries he's made about immune responses against Covid-19 in goldfish infected with swim bladder disease. And moaning that he never gets any jobs because he's white and posh.
8pm it will be Toby Young and James Dellingpole, telling us how being posh white males have held them back in life.
9pm it's a West Ham fan, with his slide show of war memorials he's accidentally urinated next to while protecting them.
10pm is a special Conspiracy Banquet containing only foods that definitely have no GM, non-organic, gluten-derived or 5G enabled ingredients. Basically, it's apples from the Beaker orchard.
Midnight and we've got Nigel Farage's Immigrant Hunt. Where we get random racists running round the woods looking for unfortunate people who have been conned into thinking they can build a better life over here. What they don't realise is, we've actually got a team of trained badgers out there who hate racists. And you can't reason with them. That's the thing with badgers. They're very black and white.
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ReplyDeleteThe truth about racists, conspiracy theorists and the hotch potch of people who don't believe in truth is that Boris Johnson is encouraging them with his many U Turns to believe that it is a conspiracy of lies against their truth, which is so outlandish you would not believe it if you read it in a book by Nigel Farage.
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