Liturgy of Being Sorry About Covid

Ritual of Sorrow

 Boris Johnson: I'm sorry.

All: He's sorry.

Boris Johnson: So sorry.

All: He's sorry.

Boris Johnson: I'm sorry.

All: He's sorry.

Boris Johnson: So very sorry.

All: He's sorry.

Ritual of Mitigation

Boris Johnson: I did everything I could.

All: Everything.

Boris Johnson: Except close the borders.

All: Everything.

Boris Johnson: Or protect care homes.

All: Everything.

Boris Johnson: Or get enough PPE from people who weren't my friends.

All: Everything.

Boris Johnson: Or get a working Test, Track and Trace app.

All: Everything.

Boris Johnson: Or get a competent organisation to run the Test, Track and Trace process.

All: Everything.

Boris Johnson: Or keep the dangerous half-wits who want to open everything up under control.

All: Everything.

Boris Johnson: Or stop everyone rushing to restaurants for half-price meals in the summer.

All: Everything.

Boris Johnson: Or take spread in schools seriously.

All: Everything.

Boris Johnson: Or tell people not to go into work when it wasn't necessary.

All: Everything.

Boris Johnson: Or be brave and say people shouldn't get together for Christmas.

All: Everything.

 Boris Johnson: But at least I shook everyone's hands in the hospital.

All: Everything.

Boris Johnson: And I did a lot of wishful thinking.

All: Everything.

Boris Johnson: And I took a lot of working holidays.

All: Everything.

Ritual of Absolution

Boris Johnson: So I take full responsibility.

All: By resigning?

Boris Johnson: Oh no. I reckon I did all right, all told.

All: By closing the borders properly? 

Boris Johnson: Oh no. We didn't take control of our borders just so we could control our borders.

All: By learning lessons?

Boris Johnson: Oh no. I never do that. That's for common people who make mistakes.

All: But are you sorry?

Boris Johnson: Oh yes. I'm sorry.

All: He's sorry.