Many intelligent people are complaining about the use of masks to restrict the transmission of Covid. Sorry. Did I say "many"? I meant "no". But still. Masks aren't all downside. There's lots of good reasons to embrace the mask in church...
- Keeping your face warm on cold mornings
- Staying at home and paying a person with the same colour eyes to take your place
- Smuggling in and eating sweets
- Similar, but with a miniature of whisky
- Pretending to be Hannibal Lecter
- Or Douglas Bader, according to the mask
- Slipknot? No, you're probably right
- Experimenting with the right breathing method to steam your glasses up
- Singing without being spotted
- Sticking your tongue out at the preacher when they're making the Bible mean what they want it to
- Mouthing complaints about the kids running about without anyone knowing
- Wearing the colour of lipstick you really always wanted to wear without being judged
- Not bothering to shave
- Trying to blow it out like a balloon
- Wearing it on your chin instead of your nose, like it's some surreal beard
- Hiding a yawn
- Use it as a catapult once you can take it off in the churchyard
- Hiding lots of yawns
- Hammock for the church bats while you've taken your mask off to do the reading
- Not causing other people to die.
12 & 13 seemed a bit sexist until I found:
ReplyDeletehttps://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2021/apr/19/female-shaving-why-women-are-removing-their-facial-hair-from-chin-growth-to-peach-fuzz
although I'm still looking for an article about men using lipstick. Can anyone help? Particularly about a good choice of colour to go with my greying beard.
I find using a mask in Church a useful disguise, But of course, the Reader Robes give it away. As I am the only Reader, its pretty obvious who it is in the mask. Also, my shorn scalp might also be a give away. And when I have to remove my mask to lead prayers, deliver the Gospel or preach I am indicted. I thought about pulling the hood of my Cassock Alb over my head, but the blue scarf gets in the way. Perhaps I should resign as a Reader to restore my privacy?
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