The time has come when the Lord has sent a famine on the land.
Not a famine of food (apart from the food which rots in the land)
Nor a famine of water (apart from the bottled water in supermarkets)
but a famine of petrol.
The people wander from town to town
and drive very slowly from sea to sea
but there is no petrol to be found
not even a drop.
And we lament the greediness of those
who fill up with no need
who put jerry cans in their boots
and tell granny to be careful not to spill
the petrol they have poured into the kettle she is holding on her lap
and they'll try not to go too fast over bumps.
For they fill up their cars with no need
panic buying even though there is no panic to be bought.
Like that bloke in front.
Bet he voted for Brexit.
And I bet he goes in to pay without a mask.
Not so us.
For we need to get to Coventry next Tuesday
and it's best not to take any chances.
So we thought we'd get out and get a tankful
before the panic-buyers get there.
Swines that they are.
You can't be too careful can you?
But lo the queue is 4 miles long
full of selfish beggars
who have no need for petrol at this time
nor diesel when Grant Shapps said there's plenty of it.
They should have stayed at home
and then there'd have been plenty for everyone.
Especially us.
And so we wait
like unto Job scraping his sores, we listen to the Best of Wham
which is unaccountably the only CD in the car.
We suck on wine gums and hope
that when our bodies are found
in six week's time
still in the queue at this services
they'll know we had a real reason to come out for petrol.
We need it.
You can't be too careful.
Can't go taking chances.
We really do need to go Coventry next week.
Experience of the previous panic buying of Loo Rolls, should have prepared us for this. Off course BP are to blame for writing to the government about a shortage of drivers, which was inevitably leaked to the media, who jumped on it to cause the panic. I managed after three days of searching to fill my tank, which should hold me for a week or so, as long as I don't kick the backside out of it. The experience of sitting in a line of cars moving slowly by the inch to reach the pumps was enlightening about human nature, not in a good way. As I entered the forecourt, a woman in a large black Mercedes shot across the road and forced her way in front of me, by blocking my path. I could have reacted with anger, but thought that her greed and need was more than mine. After all if you drive a car worth over 80K you are obviously on the breadline? While my tiny, eco friendly car, with a small tank, only costing £25 to fill obviously don't deserve fuel in the same way. I could I suppose have keep going and not allowed her leeway, and have had an accident, I decided that her impatience and need to bully her way onto the forecourt was deserving of just a basic gesticulation which probably shocked her, but gave me some small satisfaction. I also laughed at the thought it would have cost her £100 or more to fill her tank, while my cost was just over £20. Whether she could afford it, I don't know or care. My car is low emission, while hers is a gas guzzler. I know whose fuel refill will last longer, as I can actually walk and only use the car for essential journeys.
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