Lament for the Church Printer Going Wrong

Woe is me for the Church Printer is going wrong

On the night when I have to produce the service sheet

 

And though the duplexer functions not,

yet I figured I could manually duplex 50 copies

 

Except I put them back in the wrong side up

and printed pages 2 and 3 over pages 1 and 4

 

And when I started again

I put them back in the wrong way round 

 

so now you have to turn the service sheets upside down

to read them when you should just turn the page.

 

And now onto the third set of prints

The pages are covered with grey streaks

The liturgy cannot be read

and the blackness of the ink 

 

means that it looks more like unto a funeral

than a pet service.

My heart fails within me

for it could need a new black toner cartridge

But the printer app says it's at 40 per cent and if it's something else I've lost a cartridge

Or, at least, 40 per cent of one.

And now the printer's not talking to the PC

or the PC's not talking to the printer

So I reboot the PC

but it's not worked.

So I reboot the printer

but that's not worked.

And now I reboot both

and that's not worked.

So I reboot them in the other sequence 

and they're talking to each other.

So I print the document

But after twenty minutes when nothing happens

 

I realise I've sent it to the other printer

In the Moot House.

Which is why Burton Dassett is now screaming that the Moot House is haunted

so at least some good came out of it.

I print it again.

No - that's gone to PDF.

Reboot the printer.

Reboot the PC.

Reboot in the opposite order.

Reboot both.

Behold for I have a perfect pamphlet 

printed the right way round 

On the special paper we bought for the service

On which I printed  all those wasted service sheets

So now I only have four sheets left

and forty-nine to print.

And the data projector's bulb has gone

And last year's pet service orders have the wrong date on them

So I shall go down to the Moot House

and paint the order of service on the walls.

It may not be the best solution

but it's all I can face.

Give me a minute

while I drop the printer out of the window.

Oops it landed on Burton

So that's two good things.