Liturgy Conducted in a Religious Building with a Leak in the Roof

 Archdruid: Peace be with <splot>

All: And also <splot> you.

Archdruid: <splot> up your hearts

All: We lift them up with <splot>

Archdruid: A reading from John <splot>

No <splot> is an island entire of <splot>; every man

is a <splot> of the continent, a <splot> of the main;

if a <splot> be washed away by the sea, <splot>

is the less, as well as if a <splot> were, as

well as any manner of thy friends or of thine

own were; any man's <splot> diminishes me,

because I am involved in <splot> kind.

And therefore never send to know for whom

the <splot> tolls; it tolls for <splot>. 

All:  Isn't there an inclusive version?

Archdruid: I'll <splot> onto it.

Hnaef: I've found the bucket.

Archdruid: Now let us have a <plink> of worship.

All: Can we <plink> the tea lights?

Archdruid: <Plink> lights after we've given thanks for the weather.

All: Are you jok<plink>?

Archdruid: Shine Jesus Shine?

Archdruid: Repeating the <plink>. Look, Hnaef - can you get a plastic bowl instead of a metal pail?

Hnaef: <plink> on it.

Archdruid: And <plink> we move into a time of praise and <splunk>

Hnaef: Found <splunk>!

Archdruid: OK, enough's e<splunk>. Go in <splunk> out into the <splunk> to <splunk> all <splunk>

Hnaef: I reckon it's clearing <splunk>.