Liturgy of the Rainbow Bridge

Archdruid: And so we remember "Mrs Snuffles", who has passed over the Rainbow Bridge.

All: Run free, baby girl. Too beautiful for the world.

And "Scruffy", who has passed over the Rainbow Bridge.

All: Run free, baby boy. Too beautiful for the world.

Burton Dasset: Is it just me, or is the Rainbow Bridge a bit of a hazard?

Archdruid: You what?

Burton: Every time a dog or cat gets run over, turns out it's been over the Rainbow Bridge. Strikes me it's a bit of an animal safety liability. So I can't imagine it's that safe for humans... Shouldn't someone be looking at the design issues?

Archdruid: Burton. It's not real road infrastructure. It's more like a metaphor.

Stacey Bushes: Metaphor?

Archdruid: You know. We're kidding ourselves that the animals have passed over the Rainbow Bridge. To comfort ourselves that even though they don't have souls...

Stacey: Don't have souls?

Archdruid: Oh no. What have I said?

Stacey: So Hitler has an eternal soul but not little Carrot?

Archdruid: But Hitler's in Hell, surely? Whereas Carrot is unjudged.

Marston Mortaine: But you told us a good God wouldn't send anyone to Hell!

Archdruid: Ah. Yes. But Hitler.... 

Burton: This whole liberal edifice appears to be fading as fast as the rainbow that makes the Rainbow Bridge...

Stacey: The Rainbow Bridge can't be a real rainbow. As a rainbow is non-corporeal and can't support the constant animal traffic...

Archdruid: OK. The bridge is closed. It has been coned off. And though Hell exists it contains only Hitler.

All: What about Genghis Khan?

Archdruid: Oh no.