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Friday, 30 August 2024

Beaker Common Prayer Collect for St John Bunyan's Day

He being a near-neighbour of ours, we are very proud of our John. And so we are proud (but not in a proud way) to share our specially-written Collect for St John Bunyan's Day.

Bunyan Preaching in prison to a small girl and a guard



Eternal Maker,
Let lions, foes, and foul fiends never scare us in our pilgrimage
Save us from all hobgoblins,
Take away the fear of being locked up by the Church of England,
Or having to fight giants
While ever saving us from having our lyrics rewritten by Percy Dearmer.

Friday, 2 August 2024

"Outrage" over "Parody" of the "Last Supper"

In news that has caused the manufacturers of scare quotes to work overtime, there has been "alarm" about what has been claimed to be a parody of the "Last Supper".

The tableau that has caused alarm is from a work by the Oxford mathematician, C L Dodgson, whose cover name is "Lewis Carrol".  Although the art itself is by his collaborator, "Sir" John Tenniel.

"Mad Hatter's Tea Party" with Alice, Dormouse, Hatter and March Hare all on the same side of the table

"I think this is clearly a disgraceful representation of the "Last Supper" by Leonardo da Vinci", said Matthias Victim-Complexe, of the First Church of Cultural Stereotypes. "The dormouse is meant to stand for St John, who is not merely "reclining" but actually falling asleep. The insults include the tea pot representing the Holy Grail. And obviously Alice, pointing vengefully across the table, is Judas.

"To further the insult to a Renaissance work of art - I mean God - two of the characters at the table are traditionally referred to as "mad". And the tag on the Hatter's Hat is a mocking of Mark 10:6, "But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.""

It was suggested to Revd Victim-Complexe that being offended by a picture's resemblance to another picture meant he thought the original Da Vinci work in fact included an accurate representation of God. He was asked why he didn't think he was in fact guilty of idolatry, the breaking of the Second Commandment*. But at this point the pastor gradually faded away, until only his expression of quiet martyrdom remained.


* Protestant counting 

Thursday, 1 August 2024

The Silence of the Lammas

Keith: I'd like to thank the Archdruid for letting me lead this special Occasion. As we celebrate the Feast of Lammas Day. 

All: She's behind you!

Keith: And so we remember that the name, Lammas Day, comes from the tradition of slaughtering all the weakling male lambs before winter arrives, so the ewes and the strong rams become...

Archdruid: No, it's called Lammas from the Anglo-Saxon, "Loaf-Mass". A first harvest celebration of the year.

Keith:  Ah..... CHARLII!!!! 

(From outside: *thwok* *thwok* *baah* *thwok*)

Charlii: Yes, Keith?

Keith: Never mind.

NOTICES

Archdruid: After this service, turns out we'll be enjoying a Mongolian Barbecue. If anyone is a vegan or vegetarian, please get a grip, and tuck in. I've made some lovely bread, which will come in more handy than I thought.