Litany for People Stuck in Waitrose Car Park on the Night Before Christmas Eve

Oh dear God
We just thought we'd slip out for a last-minute almond parfait
and a Basque Cheesecake

and a corn-fed organic free-range Duchy goose

with brandy and chestnut gravy

How happy we were

dreaming of picking up a nice Louis Jadot Chassagne Montrachet Premier Cru for Christmas lunch

with a 20 year old tawny port to sip alongside our Reblochon de Savoie.

But now here we are

Unable to find a place to park

with 7-seater Landrover Discoveries occupying approximately 1.5 spaces each.

You watch over our not going in

and over our not going out 

As the Porche Cayennes roll in off the bypass

so that no-one can move.

But you are the One who made heaven and earth from nothing

Surely it's not beyond you to vaporise a Toyota Corolla estate?

(Although if it's the hybrid you will give more material to the conspiracy theorists, so maybe go for an old Jaguar instead)

But we know in your eyes a thousand ages are but an evening gone

so you probably think we've only just arrived 

and we're not gonna be on your list until about April

So we will dwell in this car park

all the days of our lives

or at least until the Gruyere sells out.