Welcome to the season of Not Enough Celebrationtide.
Have you been wearing your poppy since mid-September?
No?
You're no patriot. By 1st November you should be eating poppies for breakfast. Go out, buy a poppy onesie, and wear it everywhere you go. Otherwise you're not a patriot.
Come November 12 you should be wearing an Xmas tree at all times.
And if you foamed at the mouth because I said "Xmas", you are simultaneously a great advocate for a Christian Nation (TM) and an ahistorical idiot.
Come on, England! Repaint your pumpkin lights to look like poppy lights! And then, in a fortnight, repaint them as Xmas lights!
Start drinking Baileys from the 16th November! When you put the sprouts on!
Look down your noses at people from other faiths, atheists, those that can't afford an inflatable reindeer the size of Berkshire, and other such traitors.
Get out there and celebrate whatever it is this week!
For St George and England!
(By the way, Wisbech, those tattered Temu flags are starting to look a bit naff now)
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