Preparation
President: We come together today to contemplate one of the great mysteries of life. How come Kirsty MacColl's no longer with us, but Shane MacGowan's still going strong?
All: Yeah, you'd have got long odds against that 10 years ago.
President: We pause to acknowledge that we are in the presence of the company of heaven.
All: There's an angel floating round this house. Floating round my house.
Confession
President: Do we always have to be sorry?
Congregation: Why can't we just be happy baby?
Commination
President: "You scumbag, you maggot"
Congregation: "You cheap lousy faggot*"
President: "Ooh, I forgot that line. That's not very good is it? We didn't really ought to have included that."
Congregation: "Well come to that, you've not exactly been that kind to maggots**, have you?"
President: "Not in the same league though?"
Congregation: Maggots are people, too!
The service ends in a brawl. As usual.
* The Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley would like to apologise to any punks, bums, people on junk, or anyone else that may have been offended by this liturgy.
** No maggots were hurt during the making of this blog post.
Late result - England 2 - Colombia 0
fantastic. You folks should be working for the liturgical commission.
ReplyDeleteFairytale of New York says what Christmas is all about!
ReplyDeletewhat many folk don't know is that the Beaker folk are the Liturgucal Commission. Great disguise huh?
ReplyDelete