A guide to Worship Leading (II) - What to say

Useful things to say when leading worship
An important part of worship is knowing, in that almost prophetic way, what is the right thing to say at the right time.  But you know what it's like in the busy life of a worship leader.  Sometimes you just don't have the anointing.  So  I recommend a number of spiritual-sounding phrases you can use at any point when things need moving along.  You can write them on 3x5 index cards or, if you're the sort of fellowship that uses an autocue for the worship leader, get the teleprompt operator to stick them on there for when you look at a bit of a loose end...

---

"You know, I get the feeling that every single person in this congregation is feeling the love of God to the fullest right now.  Hallelujah!"

"Turn to the person to your right and say hello.  No - not all of you.... that's not going to work, is it?  OK, every other person, counting from the right, turn... no - not your right, my right..."

"It's been so nice to welcome the Shildon former Railwaymen and Miner's Outreach Group this evening. And we're coming to our last song, "I want to be out of my depth in your love".  And I think it would be nice if we all joined hands and sang this to each other."

"Now I don't want to offend anyone at this point, but it feels right to me that we all put our hands in the air..."

"Keith!  Kill that fox that's attacking Mrs Jones!  Quick!  Oh, no... it's OK, it's her hat."

"I get the feeling that someone, somewhere in this 500-person celebration is feeling like they have some kind of buried sin.  Something only they and God know about.  And I don't know who it is, but if whoever it is harbouring this vile and lurid sin would like to come down discreetly to Keith, they can receive prayer.  Keith is the one just below the stage, in the pink T-shirt and comedy hat, under the sign that says "Discreet repentance for vile perverted sinners."  No-one?  God's not going to be happy...."

"And now the women only to sing this verse.... and the men only to sing this one.... and now the left-handed albinos.  Sing UP, Derek!  We can't hear you!"

"Bronwen encouraged her son to claim he was only 13 to get a cheap bus fair.  So in accordance with Matt 18:6... Burton!  Where's that millstone?"

"Happiness is next to godliness!  Sadness is a sin!  Sadness is a sin!  God wants us all to show our joy by dancing as David danced!  Let's see you all dance.  No, not jiggle - DANCE!"

"So we've had a fantastic exposition on the Sermon on the Mount from our 24-year-old, pretty, Cambridge and Yale-educated young pastor, Lady Louella Fforbes-Smyth.  And if you feel you're letting God down in any way, or you feel unfulfilled or unloved, I'd like you all to come down the front... Stop! Stop!  Not all of you!!"

"God's love is so real!  Now I want you all to go and find someone you don't know too well and give them a hug.  Burton!  Put Stacey down!  Now!"

"We now move into the offertory hymn.  I don't want to pressurise you here, but things are a bit short at the Manse.  Basically, if we don't get the tithes we're eating the hamsters."

"You know, it's at times like this that the words of Ezra 4:2 come to me.  Now, I know you all know that reading, and it's probably dear to all your hearts, so let's just shout it out together."