Independence for the South Midlands

I have been reading with interest Pieman's comments on Saving the UK. Although, to be honest, I spent most of the time watching the fish go round - isn't that clever? But anyway I've had a few musings of my own.

The first musing is that I'm not very interested in saving the UK. I'm the sort of person who, told there are  33,000 Christian denominations, rejoices in diversity rather than frets about unity, and wonders why we can't have some more. So the thought of the United Kingdom has no real resonance for me. If the Scots and Welsh want independence and vote for it, then I'm happy with that. Who am I to stop them?

But if the UK can split up, I wonder, why not England? And if so why not independence for a logical and coherent region, and not one the EU has made up - the return of Middle Anglia?

I'm choosing Middle Anglia because it is in essence a rather wide view of the South Midlands here.  Partly for historic and tribal regions, going back if not to Boudicca then certainly to King Peada himself. But mostly to get some parts of the country in that actually earn some decent money. So I'm proposing for my definition the area from Market Harborough to Toddington, and from Cambridge to Kingston Bagpuize. The science parks south of Oxford are definitely in, as are their equivalent in Cambridgeshire. The capital city will be Milton Keynes, as I'm stealing some ideas here from the Free MK campaign, especially the currency, called the "Point" - a Point being a  plastic square-based pyramid with an RF ID chip in it so you can never lose it down the back of the sofa. The South Midlands will thus be the only country in the world with a 3-dimensional currency. In a deliberate snub to the mandarins of Brussells and Strasbourg, the Point will be subdivided into 73 "pixels", thus making the Point additionally the only world currency to be based on a prime and star number.

When we have won the referendum, and I am elected Senior Archdruid of the newly established theocracy, we can get to work on really making some serious money. My new country of South Midlands will have an automatic advantage in terms of science and technology. But we will additionally cut the duty charged on alcohol, thus encouraging "booze cruising" across the rivers Welland, Nene, Ouse and Lea. We will however levy surcharges on anyone pronouncing the Nene as "Neen" rather than "Nen", or writing "Lee" instead of "Lea".

The alert motorists among you will have noticed that cunningly we have in our new country vital stretches of the M40, M1, A1 and A14. Additionally we will have control of the St Pancras, Euston and Marylebone lines.  And this is how we will make the rest of our money. By levying tolls on Londoners who are unwise enough to go to the West Midlands, and then charging them double to come back home afterwards, we reckon we can be self-sufficient in tea lights and marshmallows by 2015 at the latest.

However, we will not be "Little South Midlanders".  We will be happy to encourage immigration - especially from the traditional source of South Midlands immigration, North London. In return I expect to sign an agreement with Boris Johnson that we can continue to commute into London and use his silly bikes.

Again, the alert among you will also have noticed that we will be totally lacking in a decent football team. Given the domination of MUFC and Chelsea lately, this won't worry us too much. We will instead declare Northamptonshire Skittles to be our national sport and will run the World Championships every year in Kettering. The Yanks get away with much the same thing with their sports, so I don't see the problem.

Our national sport

I hope I've convinced you that the South Midlands can make it as a viable country. And if it all falls apart and we're invaded by Coventry, well at least we'll have tried.